Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Monday, August 3, 2015
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Cecil the Lion
I logged on to Facebook for the first time (facebook.com/bigfootinthecity) and was crushed to learn of the untimely death, nay, murder, of my fellow predatory genius, Cecil the lion. Given that I possess a very specific and limited set of skills, none of which are diplomacy, I have taken it upon myself to hunt this tooth doctor down. I remember him from long ago when I visited the forests of Milwaukee and he tried to lure me out of my protective glade. I didn't survive this long by not being smarter than a retired lion.
My plan will be to lure him from hiding with the sound of cries from a mistreated secretary, a large stack of vintage crossbow magazines and a small duffel bag of lightly-used camouflage cargo jorts. I am currently in talks with my DUFF, Justin Timberlake, to start a conservation campaign, "Preventing The Propagation of Lion-Hunting Tooth Doctors" (or PTPOLHTD).
I am offering a free Foot T-shirt to the person who delivers this barbaric creature to the edge of the forest, any forest. In the mean time, I am in the market for a good taxidermist if anybody has any suggestions.
Somewhere to help: http://wildcru.org/
My plan will be to lure him from hiding with the sound of cries from a mistreated secretary, a large stack of vintage crossbow magazines and a small duffel bag of lightly-used camouflage cargo jorts. I am currently in talks with my DUFF, Justin Timberlake, to start a conservation campaign, "Preventing The Propagation of Lion-Hunting Tooth Doctors" (or PTPOLHTD).
I am offering a free Foot T-shirt to the person who delivers this barbaric creature to the edge of the forest, any forest. In the mean time, I am in the market for a good taxidermist if anybody has any suggestions.
Somewhere to help: http://wildcru.org/
Labels:
bigfoot,
cecil,
cecilthelion,
crossbows,
dentist,
facebook,
hunting,
jimmy kimmel,
justin timberlake,
lion,
peta,
rip,
sasquatch
Sunday, July 19, 2015
Saturday, July 18, 2015
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